So many things I want to say!

It's quite possibly the 5 cups of coffee I've had over the past few hours, or just simply because I'm loving this new photography venture of mine, but my head is spinning! Literally. There are so many things I want to say, do, scream, discuss...you get the picture. Some good, some bad, some controversial, some inspiring...yeah. Probably too much coffee. Anyway, I'll just free-think, so hang in there!

numero uno:
The money thing.

Coming up with pricing is HARD! I don't want to "give" sessions away, I want my time spent away from my kids to be worth my while, and my kids' while, and YOUR while! So, I go back and forth on the money thing. Fellow photogs tell me I don't charge enough, but in the other ear, I hear that I charge too much. What's a girl to do?

I'll tell ya.

I'll keep pricing right where it's at for now. It seems to be working okay for now. But...keep in mind...that you get what you pay for.

Am I as good as someone who charges $800? No. Am I better than someone who charges $50? Probably. Am I worth what I currently charge? Abosolutely!

2.

"copycats"

I've been hearing this a LOT lately. Photogs who are offended that someone "copied" them.  Photog vendors who are offended that someone "copied" their designs.

I don't know what I think about being annoyed or miffed about being "copied." I just don't know. But I've decided this is my thought: everyone finds inspiration somewhere. That's it. No one is really truly original.  Does that sound harsh? Maybe! But that's the way I feel. I don't think anyone has created or come up with an idea that wasn't created or thought up before them. That's that.

3.

Work.

I love being a nurse, truly. But, I love my kids more. I've NEVER been one to want to be a stay at home/work from home mom. Until this past month. I really. really. REALLY want to stay home with my kids, devoting my time to them and photography as my source of income for my family. If this happened anytime in the next year or two, I might pee my pants with excitement. Seriously. So, add that to your prayer request list for me, I'd truly appreciate it!

4.

I really need to see Social Network. Did you see how many awards that movie won last weekend???

5.

Boudoir

Okay, I sound like a broken record, but I'll say it one more time. Or write it, so I can always refer back to it, so I don't have to actually utter the words again.

Women. are. SEXY. despite their weight, their age, their pants size, their facial features, their saggy boobs, lack of boobs, or overly big boobs.

We've carried babies, we've nursed babies, we've gained and lost the freshman 15 (or 50) a million and a half times. Our bodies are not what they used to be, and it's very rare that any of us will ever look again the way we looked in high school.

Boudoir sessions are, in my opinion, more for you as a WOMAN, empowering yourself, than for the person you are choosing to do the session for. You got that? Do it for YOU, if for no one else. Because I swear to you, no matter what, you will look back at those pictures and think, "Damn, I'm hot!"

I can NOT hear any more women put themselves down on my fanpage/personal page/to my face, etc, trying to justify why they just couldn't do a boudoir session because....................whatever the stupid reason may be. It's unacceptable to me as a woman. And I don't wanna hear it anymore. Take your negativity to someone else. Confidence is all you need to sell yourself as the sexiest woman on the block. And, to keep the negativity away, I will NOT ask any more what your reasoning is for deciding NOT to do a boudoir session, whether photographed by me or anyone else...because if I hear one more woman say "because I'm FAT!!!!" I might smack ya. Honestly.

6.

I weigh 25 pounds more than I should. I weigh the same I did when Mr. Maddox made his way out of me, eighteen months ago.  I REFUSE to say negative things about my body, because I'm the one in control of it. Could I have lost the weight by now? Of course! Have I been eating Dunkin Donuts and Cinnamon Crunch bagels from Panera every day for the past four months. uhhhhmaybe. And no one wants to hear me say how "fat" I am, especially as I stuff my face with double chocolate goodness. So, what did I decide to do on Sunday? Go back on my lifestyle change "diet." Here's to losing 15 pounds in two weeks! Wish me luck!

Ahhhh. I feel better now.

Let's see, what else is weighing on my mind?

Oh, I want my brother and sister to move back home. Suuuuriously. Oklahoma sucks.

Okay, I think that is all for now. Thanks SO much for reading my rambling.

who wouldn't want tobe a SAHM/WAHM with these kids???

xo

another personal post, friends!

Today is my firstborn's sixth birthday. SIX. My heart breaks a little bit every time I think of it. I can't believe the years have flown by like they have. 2011 is gonna be rough on my mommy heart. My babies turn six, four and two. Soon, my house will be diaper, bottle and baby free. My heart is at peace with not having any more kids, but it aches at the thought of being a baby free zone. Babies is all I've done for the last six years!

Six years ago today, I was a young 22 year old unwed momma who was terrified holding my firstborn. I loved him, ohhh I loved him. But I was so scared. Would I be a good mom? Would his father and I provide a good, stable home for him? What kind of person would he turn out to be?

The pregnancy and first year or two of Ethan's life was rough. My now husband (Ethan's daddy) and I were in a our third year of an on-again, off-again relationship.  He wasn't always good to me, wasn't always supportive of me during those days. He was young too, not ready and undoubtedly scared, unsure of how to cope. I don't blame him for the way he acted. The scar that remains is barely noticeable now, but it was no doubt disheartening and frustrating at the time. I really leaned heavily on my sister and friends to be the support that he wasn't. They were such amazing, unwavering rocks of strength I needed during that time.  Every. single. one of them. They screamed and cheered into the phone when I said "it's a boy!" and all ran out buying Ethan all KINDS of cutesty baby clothes. They rubbed my head while I cried, wiped my tears, told me everything would be okay. They drove me to the hospital when I was in labor, walked with me in the halls during my contractions, rubbed my back and face during the hardest part of my labor before the epidural, and lined the halls of the hospital until they got the chance to finally hold sweet Ethan in their arms.  They came over and sat with me all night the first weeks of having Ethan home, helping me with anything and everything I needed. They were my strength.  They cooed and ahh'd at Ethan, telling me how gorgeous he was and how good of a mama I was. And I needed that. Ohh, how I needed that.

And this is NOT to say that Dave wasn't good. Because he was. He came to the hospital as soon as he could when I told him they were admitting me (he was managing a restaurant and at a regional meeting that afternoon). He was there when Ethan was born, holding my hand. Held Ethan close, changed diapers, got up with us in the middle of the night, was at every doctor's appointment and connected with Ethan immediately. He loves that boy. I can't express in words how much he loves that boy. He called Ethan once his "saving grace." And I believe he's right.

The day I went into labor, Dave's sister was in a bad car accident, and he left my side to make sure Lindsay would be okay. When she was stable, he came right back and was there in plenty of time for the birth. Thank GOD my girls were there when he wasn't! And thank God that Lindsay healed up quickly enough to come see Ethan in the hospital the next day, battered and bruised as she was.

The whole day was a whirlwind of every feeling I could ever have. And it turned out beautifully. He was the most gorgeous baby, with a full head of dark, thick hair and the cutest little face I'd ever seen.  God's most precious gift to me.

In the six years since Ethan's birth, we got married, added two more children to our family and have grown in more ways than I can count. I never would have foreseen the amazing stability of the life we now call our own. Ethan was the beginning of all of that.

This is why his birth is such an emotional day for me. You see, because the day he was born wasn't just the day I became a mother. It was the beginning of the rest of OUR lives. As a family.  He is quite possibly the glue, the saving grace, the cornerstone of all we are as a family. He's the one that started it all. It's the one day of the year that I reflect on every single relationship I have, and am overwhelmed with thankfulness for it. I think first and foremost about Ethan. Then about Dave, and how far we've come these last six years. Then I think about my amazing God-given friendships, and give thanks for the way they all pulled through for me when I needed them most. I think about my parents and the difficult relationship we had once they found out I was pregnant, and how it's finally been rebuilt. I think about my sister, and how our friendship grew to a whole new level after Ethan was born. I think about how strong of a person I am, how far I've come. Who I am, finally, at 28 years old, is who I hope I stay. I don't know that scared 22 year old girl anymore.

Each January I'm reminded of how much I've grown, how strong I really am, how amazing my life really is. And I'm so proud of my husband, children, friends and family for being the best there ever was. And I'm SO proud of me. Because, quite frankly, I rock.

Libby- thanks for bringing a caseload of batteries to the hospital. The most practical gift, but the one we truly needed the most. You've been an amazing friend to me for more than ten years now, I love you!

Bethany- thank you for your nonjudgment, your prayer, your ability to make me laugh, and for letting me tell you I was pregnant over instant messaging, with no judgement. ;)

Carissa- thank you for walking with me in the mall and driving me to the hospital the day Ethan was born. You were so amazing!

Crystal- I love you. Thank you for walking the hospital halls with me for hours while no one else could be there. You're an amazing friend, one of the best I could ever ask for.

Nansie- thank you. thank you. thank you. the words aren't much, but they pack a big punch. I can't even tell you how important and influential your help those first few months means to me. Best sister EVER.

Ashley- thank you for being my true, bestest friend in the world, doing any and everything I needed you to do, saying anything and everything I needed to hear. And thank you for loving my Ethan so so much.

Teresa- thanks for the wonderful amazing food you brought over that week Ethan was born! Sloppy Joes, potato salad, deviled eggs, mouthwatering ham...you rock my world.

Stephanie, Crystal, Tina, Angie, Shelli, Carly, Jody, Lindsey and All Skate- you guys being there at the hospital all night, causing ruckus and screaming in pure joy when Ethan was born was exactly what I needed. I love you all so much for it!

And for everyone else who was there that day six years ago...who knew and loved me then and knows and loves me now...you're forever a part of this day, this memory for me. I LOVE YOU. And I thank God for you.

me with my big six year old!

2011 is gonna be a good year, my friends.

Ringin' in 2011! The right way. :)

My first shoot of 2011 was with sweet, precious, cuddly, handsome, super content Baby Will. I had SO much fun snuggling him today. He was awake a good portion of the shoot, but completely content and quiet, soaking it all in. Loved it! :)  Enjoy your sneak peek, mom and dad! xoxo

so perfectly squishy!

handsome. handsome. handsome.

such a sweet family.

first shot. First. Shot.

snuggle bug.